if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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