It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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