the condom got lost in my hair
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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