doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
