There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
