That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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