should my penis look like a turkey
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
