what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize