You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
