Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
