I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
