I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
