jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
