Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
