hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
