...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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