I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
