the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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