even my farts smell like vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
