Say something about gay babies.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize