Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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