Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
