I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
