drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize