You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
