Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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