I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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