Whod you bang
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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