So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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