Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
