My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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