Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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