My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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