its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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