My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
