She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
