Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
