I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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