Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
