he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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