i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I supernannyed him into submission
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize