We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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