She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
