id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
