stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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