Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
