Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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