Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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