Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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