I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
