Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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