I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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