Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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