Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
did i just pee glitter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
