I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
