there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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