Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
