i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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