I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
