and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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