just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
